dark times........moving forward.

Well finally today i finally feel physically and mentally fit enough to put a few words down on to paper about my dear old Mum.
My wonderful mum lost her 28 year fight against ovarian cancer on the 4th of august this year and to be honest i'm surprised to even be here to put these words down.

To say i took it badly is an understatement,mum passed away  in the rowans hospice with myself and my ever faithful fiancee claire by her bedside,and i held her hand whilst she drew her last breath,a sight that will remain with me for eternity.

The rowans hospice were absolutely amazing and very caring right till the end,and i couldn't of asked more for mum.
This is very hard to put down and as i do i have a tear in my eye ,but i hope anyone who reads it may get some benefit from it.

I realized the following day just how much Mums death had affected me whilst sat in the bath as i tried to take my own life,I am not proud of this but i couldnt see a way forward without my Mum figuring in my life in someway,i suppose i just wanted to be back with both my parents, all together again as it were but it wasnt the answer looking back on it now.

I was laid in the bath with a razor blade sobbing and i think that if my claire had not heard my sobs i would not be here,claire truly is my rock,and no man could ask for more.it was then in that brief instant when claire hugged me that I realized suicide wasn't the answer,I have 3 wonderful sons and a loving family that i love very much and it pains me even now to think that i could throw that love away due to a very selfish act,dont get me wrong i would have done it but some times you need to look at what you have got and not what you have lost.

After this i seemed to spiral into some sort of mild depression,or at least i think so as i havent had depression before,and it was all i could do to get out of bed and go to work everyday,especially whilst crying inside,some times grief can hit you like a train,right out of nowhere and smash your emotions to pieces even at work and I was struggling to keep it together and carry on as normal as I could,I find visiting mum's grave very  hard as I am so happy to go and talk to her but it hurts so very much to say goodbye every time. I am taking it day by day now and today i seemed to find some clarity in this messed up head of mine.a small patch of blue in a very cloudy sky.

These troubled times have definitely showed me who my true friends are and i cant thank them enough for being there for me.I think long term i may need some bereavement counselling or even a psychiatrist but all i can say is this,if your ever in this position yourselves please talk to someone,anyone,and seek advice,don't take the easy way out ,it does get easier as time goes on.

If any one needs a shoulder then they can message me on blogger or through Facebook on my page parttimeangler and i will message you back and try to help you through any tough times.it doesnt matter if i dont know you sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger and open up.

I am now looking forward to some new challenges at work and i will hopefully get bank side in the new year, I'm also aiming to shift a few pounds as i'm marrying my lovely claire in september next year.We have got some good things going on next year and although mum wont be here to share in them she will hopefully enjoy watching from above.

I can honestly say that putting this down on paper has helped massively,like a weird form of closure almost, im going to enjoy Christmas as best i can this year with closest family and my stepdad Micheal ,It wont be the same without mum but she would of wanted us to enjoy it as usual,please remember its okay not to be okay,just ask some one for help.anyone.

Merry Christmas to all,don't forget to raise a glass for those that have lost the fight but also take the time to look around you and feel blessed with those that are still here..

ALL THE BEST FOR 2019. HOPE TO SEE YOU ON THE BANK SOMETIME. XX

Welsh Magic

Arrival

Monday the 14th of May saw me and Claire load up my trusty old golf and head west to Wales to a lovely venue between Cardiff and Newport called Cefn Mably lakes. We had booked this late last year after receiving the news that my mum had a month to live in August 17 and we thought it would be a good place to get my head straight afterwards. However, on a very good note my dear old Mum, 9 months later is still battling the Big C and kicking its arse by the look of it for which I am truly thankful.

We had opted to stay from Monday till Friday on Spring Lake in a self-contained pod named Osprey. Unfortunately not being able to get on until 3pm on the Monday meant losing most of the day to be honest and having to leave 10am Friday also meant losing a day, so to be fair we had 3 days of sightseeing shopping and fishing. The pod we had chosen to stay in was truly perfect, even having its own hot tub too, very pleasant indeed.

We got to the lodge at 3pm and was shown round by a very helpful member of staff who wished us luck as he left. We proceeded to unpack which was a massive ordeal as we know how fickle the weather can be and we had packed for all possibilities. I found one very major disappointment in the rules when I arrived, no surface fishing! I love surface fishing, I’d brought 10k of mixer along for the ride for nothing as well as my favourite stalking floater rod.

Around 4.30 pm I managed to get both rods in the water, one down to a reed bed on the left the other about 15ft in front of the decking jetty. I baited with half a kilo of the legendary Shoreline Sausage Oil over both rods and before long I had a cracking mirror from the left hand reed bed rod at just under 19lb. Claire did the honours with the camera and we stood and watched it swim off very leisurely upon its return.

I cast the rod back to the same spot, put 4 good handfuls of sausage oil over the top and went into our pod to make a brew, I gave Claire her tea then came back down to the rods and sat back on the steps at the bottom of the swim and waited. We had just sat down to an alfresco tea when the right hand rod in open water was away, it was a proper screamer and after a very spirited fight my first twenty of the session graced the mat at a rather plump 20lb 4. It was a lovely mirror, I was well pleased. Claire snapped away with the camera once more and I decided to remove the other rod until after tea, we enjoyed a very civilized outdoor feed and after making yet another brew I decided to put both rods back out on the spots.

By this time it was starting to cool down a bit as the sun started to set and it was quite nice just being bank side taking in my wonderful surroundings along with the peace and tranquillity of the place. However this was soon shattered by a one toner from the open water rod in front of the platform and the fish left the spot leaving a massive bow wave. I was having real trouble slowing this one but I kept my forefinger on the spool like a small brake until the moment felt right to re-engage the spool and then try to gain some line. After what felt like ages and 3 failed attempts at netting it my prize finally rolled across the cord and I had won the battle. The resulting prize was a lovely grey mirror of 21lb 12. I was ecstatic, 3 fish with an average of 20lb; I should have come to wales about 5 years ago!

We took a few snaps in the fading light and decided to call it a night. Before I retired for the night and baited the spots once more and turned in for the night.

Second Day

Tuesday saw us playing tourist once more as we headed off to visit Cardiff and its lovely town centre, we spent most of the day drinking coffee and going round the shops and the quaint old fashioned indoor market which I really enjoyed but Claire didn’t! Funny girl. We managed to finally get the rods out just before 6pm and shortly after the open water spot produced a lovely mid double mirror. The fish were almost waiting for me, they were obviously on the feed and really enjoying the Sausage Oil bait I was using.

I recast once more only for the same rod to burst into action literally as I put the runner on. I was just flicking the lever forward when it jumped forward and we were fish on once more. After this I opted to rest the swim whilst I had a bite to eat and another brew. I sat on the top decking looking down at the jetty, brew in hand when I spotted a tail waving inches from the bank so I lowered a rig with a double dumbell hook bait right in its path. The take was nothing short of electrifying to be honest, I wasn’t sure who was more surprised, me or the fish! And so it proceeded to try empty the spool. My victim this time was a stunning high double mirror, I’d never caught so many mirrors before. I was absolutely shattered by now and as I stood dripping in slime chatting to Claire, my left hand rod was away so hard it snapped off my front rest clean off the stick!

This was a much stronger fish plodding around off the rod tip for ages. I tried to net it 3 times, each time it just rolling the wrong side of the net cord but I was determined to win this battle and win I did. My prize this time was a 23-12 mirror which had a massive belly, it was obviously carrying some spawn. She had clearly been enjoying the sausage oil as when I lifted her up she farted and shit boilie crumbs all over my T shirt. Claire was in hysterics when this happened, I actually thought I was going to have to slap her to calm her down! We took some photos and I made another brew and just sat out in the fading light waiting for the bat display team. About 9.45 I called it a night and baited once more.

Wednesday saw us playing tourist as we headed to Barry Island, seemed like a good idea as were both big fans of Gavin and Stacey. We even had coffee and a cake at Marcos cafe on the sea front, we bought a few gifts and we left there to go to Mermaid Quay which for those of you that don’t know is a Mecca for food restaurants and coffee shops, perfect for us.

We returned to our little paradise around 4 and after another cup of Yorkshires finest I got the rods in the water and sat down on the steps taking in all the loveliness surrounding the place. I re-baited withe the magical Sausage Oil, which by now was getting low but it should be ok, I had some Complex T to back it up also. Around 5pm I had another mirror of around 15 which fought like a much bigger fish, staying down deep and plodding around. It wasn’t until it felt the net touch its belly that it went into full ninja mode. I stood for what felt like ages just fingering the spool and the clutch until it rolled on its side and I scooped her up. We took few snaps and released her back to her watery home to grow on. By now the left hand rod had been silent for some time and as I stood on the swim platform edge like an overweight heron I could see why.

They were swimming along the platform edge from left to right and feeding on my ever increasing baited area. Sly old things. I sat back down on the swim steps and was reward with another screamer and after a very bream like fight a stunning orange wristed mirror of 16lb 5 graced my mat. Almost a fully with areas of leather in it, quite unusual to be honest but stunning all the same. 2 more takes followed in quick succession, both similar and both high double mirrors and as the light started to fade I took the rods out and just sat with a brew, total bliss. Early night tonight as we planned to fish all day the following morning. Around 11pm I turned in but not before i baited my spot once more.

Final Day

I awoke early Thursday around 5.30 with a view to fishing all day. I made a cup of strong coffee and sat outside taking in the breath-taking scenery and the chilly morning air. I had my joggers on and my hoodie and I was still a bit chilly. I sat there looking around the lake to see the ducks and the herons going about their day and as I started to nod lazily in my chair I noticed a fish waving its tail at me from the edge of the swim around a foot from the bank, sadly for Claire she was still asleep as I lowered my rig in and almost instantly I had a violent take and I was fish on once more.

After a spirited fight a half asleep Claire did the pics and yet another mirror made the album. Claire returned to bed but I had an instant take upon recasting the rod back down by the jetty and yet another fish gave itself up for a photo opportunity, I took a quick mat shot for this so as not to wake Claire again. A nice grey mirror with an obvious lump to its side.

After another brew because my first had gone cold I woke Claire up and she decided to have a soak in the hot tub, unfortunately I also had another mirror after about 5 minutes of getting in so I had to do a random self-take. I re-baited both spots and we chatted about the size and stamp of the fish and how this could be a regular retreat for us on a yearly basis and as I sat on the decking chatting away watching the blue tits and the chaffinches wittering about the peace and tranquility was once more shattered by a screamer trying to get to the far bank.

I played this fish for ages and after a considerable time a cracking golden common rolled over the net cord, I was elated ,finally a common, only a high double but what a stunner. I decided there and then to stop fishing and chill out for the rest of the day, Claire kindly helped with the pics and as she swam off I thought not bad,17 hours of actual fishing for 15 fish, I’ll take that any day. We loved Cefn Mably and Wales and we will definitely return as soon as we can.

Thanks for reading, it’s been ages since I’ve written anything, looking forward now to mum hopefully beating this awful disease and going to France with my oldest fishing buddy Stu. Please feel free to comment on the page and share with your friends.

Tight lines - Stevo x

Return to an old favourite

So today saw me with 15 mins to kill and as I was in the area I popped in to one of my favourite waters which is carron row farm.the place hasn't changed much except for an obvious handrail in the disabled swim  even saw a few fish in there usual spots enjoying the bright spell while it lasted.was also quite amazed to see a few circling on top searching for any thing they could slurp down even this time of the year. Still unsure whether to rejoin but seeing those few fish showing definitely sparked up the old fire that smoulders away inside...time will tell.